Cast:
Lunchbox
Blake
Luna
Doog/Jeff
Mary Jane

1.Int. Apartment. Luna is sitting alone in the center shot.

Luna: It's been almost two years since the Reds let loose the Solanum virus, turning thousands into zombies. I'm not

talking the mindless drones filing in and out of the 9 to 5 grind, but the "I'll eat your fucking brains" kind. So here's what

we know about them so far. The zombies are slow, stupid, and easily distracted. Now we don't know much about how the

virus was unleashed other than that the first signs showed up in L.A. when some Red was all like "Viva La Old Country!"

Now what the hell a French Russian was doing in L.A. we have no clue. Now we are a few friends staying in the city to

help survivors get to the... You idiots are going to piss them off again!

Camera Pans to Lunchbox and Blake walking to the window with bowling balls.

Blake: That's the plan.

Lunchbox opens the window and dives out of the way as a bowling ball flies out the window. Blake and Lunchbox look

out.

Lunchbox: Dude, you knocked his helmet off.

Luna: He wasn't wearing one.

Camera cuts off.

2. Int. Hallway- All are in the Hallway preparing to set out. (Close ups on roll call)

Luna: Today we got a distress call from some people looking to get to the boats. We're setting out help them. The crew

is Lunchbox with the ax, Blake with the...What is that?

Blake: It's a customized Kricket bat. You know, wrapped in duck tape rolled around in broken glass and a few nails for a

nice balance.

Luna: Nice. Ok, on with the roll call. We've got Mary Jane with the med pack. Jeff is the guy with the sword, and I am

your lovely host Luna. We have a 2-mile trip to the poor saps that haven't left our city yet. We call it our city because we're

the only ones that want to stay.

Lunchbox: Well you know it's to fun to leave. I mean where else could we cause endless amounts of destruction and do

what ever we want?

Jeff: Vegas, but the STD's are the price tag on that one.

Blake: No thank you, I heard that the zombie hoes could spread that shit by breathing on you.

Luna: Yes the Solanum virus was most widespread as an STD when people hadn't changed yet. I don't know if the

breathing thing is true or not.

Blake: Ok if the zombies circle us in when we are making our escape, we're running escape plan J.

Jeff: I don't know that one.

Luna whispering to Mary Jane: That's probably for the best.

Mary Jane: Yeah.

Camera Cuts off.

3. Ext. Street. Lunchbox and Blake are beating zombies

Camera Cuts off.

4. Int. Room. Lunchbox and Jeff are in the lead.

Luna: We have found the survivors. We are now extracting them. OH SHIT!

Door opens and Zombies are raiding the doors Lunchbox, Blake, and Jeff are fighting off the zombies.

Blake: ESCAPE PLAN J!!!

Blake kicks Jeff in the knee, breaking it, and Lunchbox pushes him into a crowd of Zombies. The Zombie rushes Jeff

leaving a clear path.

Blake: Best of luck!

Jeff: YOU DICKS!!!!

Random Girl: Why would you do that?

Mary Jane: Zombies go for the easier meal.

Lunchbox: It's a good thing that they went for escape plan J, or we'd have to switch to escape plan MJ.

Marry Jane: You wouldn't do that. Right? Right? BOX?!?!

The group walks up the cleared path, Luna stops and watches Jeff's zombie suitors attack him.

Jeff: YOU...

Camera cuts off.

5. Int. Apartment. The group is sitting around. Lunchbox and Blake are throwing stuff out of the windows.

Blake: Ok, I bet you that you can't get the Afro zombie in the face with this Shaka Chan cd.

Lunchbox: You're on.

Lunchbox lines up his shot. As he goes to throw it the door busts open and Jeff is standing there covered in blood.

Everyone looks for a second. Lunchbox throws the cd.

Blake: MISS! You got the wrong zombie.

Jeff: You suck. ALL OF YOU! You left me to die!

Lunchbox: No, we left you behind for the greater good.

Jeff: WHAT GREATER GOOD?

Luna: The greater good that is our lives fucking with zombies and less of your bitching.

Mary Jane: Did they bite you?

Jeff: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK?

Blake: CHAIN HIM!!!

The group rushes Jeff and chains him to a wall.

Blake: Jeff, I know you're mad. I would be to if I lived through sacrificing my life for the greater good

Jeff: I didn't sacrifice shit! You pushed me into a crowd of zombies!

Blake: Lunchbox pushed you, but I was saying I would be mad too. But now you're going to do a lot more good.

Jeff: How?

Mary Jane: You're going to show us how long it takes to turn into a zombie...and if they can be domesticated.

Luna: Like a puppy.

Jeff: Just promise me you wont put me through the tortures that you do the zombies outside.

Camera cuts off.

6. Int. Apartment. Lunchbox and Blake are hitting golf balls at Jeff.

Jeff: I'm not a zombie yet!

Blake: We know.

Lunchbox: Yeah, Zombies don't bitch.

Camera cuts off.

7. Apartment. Mary Jane is setting up the camera in front of Jeff.

Mary Jane: Ok, we've tried everything to stop the zombification. By that I mean Blake and Lunchbox hit him with golf

balls for about 3 hours. Then the Kricket bat.

Lunchbox (off screen): And we burned him with the waffle iron.

Mary Jane: Oh yeah. And the waffle iron. Now Jeff has become a zombie, which sucks because he really stinks. But now

we know that it takes about 24 hours for a complete change. The chains are holding up well. I have been observing him

for about 3 days now since the change and he seems to show some signs of his former life. He doesn't show signs of

aggression against Luna, or me but he is extremely hostile against Lunchbox and Blake.

Blake (off screen): That could be because the razor blade sling shot pointed at his face.

Lunchbox (off screen): I thought he could use a shave. (laughing)

Mary Jane: He is showing signs of being domesticated. He has learned some tricks. Like Sit and stay. He also is

learning how to interact on a productive level. Let me demonstrate.

Mary Jane grabs a beer bottle and hands it to Jeff.

Mary Jane: Doog. Open.

Doog studies the bottle for a moment and then bites off the top. Blake grabs the bottle.

Blake: Bad Doog, You don't break the bottle.

Blake jabs the broken bottle into Doog's leg.

Lunchbox: Tell them why we call him Doog.

Mary Jane: We now call him Doog because when he started to change he kept screaming "DOOOG DOOOOOOOOOG

DOOOOOOOOGTAR DOOOG"

Blake: So we call the retard Doog.

Mary Jane: I think he was asking for a doctor.


Camera cuts off.

8. Ext. Rooftop. Luna and Blake are standing at the top of their apartment. Camera zooms to an upside down trashcan

slowly moving trough the crowd of zombies.

Blake: Left! Left! YOUR OTHER LEFT!

Trashcan moves to Blake's directions.

Luna: And what's he doing again?

Blake: We spotted a pack of cigarettes in a zombie's pocket. So we drew straws and now he has to go get them.

Luna: When did we get straws?

Blake: We didn't, I just kicked him in the nuts and threw him in a trashcan. And now we find ourselves without a

premeditated system of direction.

Luna: Oh. Did you at least give him a weapon?

Blake: Box! He's right in front of you. Take him out!

Lunchbox pops out and stabs the zombie and quickly retreats into the trash can and starts to return, but the zombie's

knock it off and start to attack.

Lunchbox: CRAP! DIE DIE DIE!

Lunchbox starts killing zombies.

Blake: Throw the cigarettes!

A pack of cigarettes lands at his feet.

Blake: Thank you.

Blake and Luna light a cigarette and walk back inside.

Lunchbox: A little help!

Blake: Do you still have the weapon I gave you?

Lunchbox: The corkscrew? Yeah!

Blake: Best of luck!

Camera cuts off.

9. Int. Apartment. Lunchbox walks in and throws the corkscrew on the table. He picks up a cigarette and lights it.

Lunchbox: I win!

Luna walks to the window. There is a huge pile of zombies.

Luna: You did that with a corkscrew?

Lunchbox: No, Mary Jane was nice enough to toss me a butter knife when I got the corkscrew stuck in a zombie's eye. I

popped it out and was good to go.

Mary Jane: Speaking of which, where's the butter knife?

Lunchbox: Well...

Mary Jane: Do I even want to know?

Lunchbox: Well, look at it this way, you don't want it back.

Luna and Mary Jane (together): GROSS!!!

Blake: Front or back?

Lunchbox: Back.

Blake: That's awesome.

Camera Shuts off.

10. Int. Apartment. Luna and Mary Jane are sitting on the couch watching Lunchbox try to teach Doog new tricks.

Lunchbox: Doog, this is called "respect knuckles". You make a fist and you hit a person on their balled fist like this.

(Lunchbox punches his fist together). It's not so hard. You try.

Doog holds out a balled fist. Lunchbox extends his fist and Doog tries to bite him. Lunchbox grabs Blake's Kricket bat

and rears back but Mary Jane stops him.

Mary Jane: Bad Doog. Lunchbox is a friend. No bite. No bite.

Doog: Raaahaab

Mary Jane: Friend.

Doog: Freend.

Mary Jane: Good Doog. Friend. See, who says you can't teach an old Doog new tricks.

Luna (off screen): LAME!

Lunchbox: I'll show you friend!

Lunchbox hits Doog in the face.

Doog: Freend! Freend!

Lunchbox keeps hitting Doog. Then gets a bored expression and walks away.

Lunchbox: Man, this just isn't as fun without Blake egging me on.

Luna: Where is he anyway? I haven't seen him all day.

Mary Jane: He decided not to be bested by Lunchbox's impressive display yesterday. He said he'd be back when he killed

more zombies with a smaller weapon.

The door bursts open and Blake walks in and tosses Lunchbox something.

Blake: I'm going to bed.

Blake walks into a hallway. Lunchbox opens his hand and his jaw drops. Luna looks out the window. Lunchbox keeps

looking into his hand.

Luna and Lunchbox (together): HOLY SHIT!

Camera zooms on Lunchbox's hand to reveal a thumbtack.

Camera cuts off.

11. Ext. Rooftop. Lunchbox is standing at the side of the roof with a spear gun. He fires it over the edge.

Luna: What are you doing?

Lunchbox starts to reel in the chain.

Lunchbox: Fishing.

Luna: Still mad that Blake bested you?

Lunchbox fires spear into a zombie's head.

Lunchbox (angrily): No.

Luna: Give it three days, max, and you two will be best of friends working on some new stupid bet about who can kill

more zombies or who has the bigger

Camera flashes low battery and cuts off.

12. Int. Apartment. Luna and Mary Jane are sitting on the couch. Lunchbox is holding a peice of meat just out of Doog's

reach.

Mary Jane: I don't see why you two haven't made up yet.

Lunchbox: I don't want to talk about it any more.

Luna: But it's so stupid. You start these stupid bets to see who can kill more zombies, and when one of you wins you get

mad at each other.

Lunchbox: I said to just shut the fuck up!

Luna: Alright alright, I'm just saying I don't get it.

Lunchbox: You don't need to "get it". It's a guy thing.

Lunchbox's expression brightens, and he pushes Luna away and runs into his room.

Lunchbox: I've got it!

Luna: What have you got?

Luna looks over at Mary Jane and Mary Jane Shrugs. Then Lunchbox comes running through the living room, passes

Doog, stops, kicks him in the crotch, then runs out the door. Doog is yelling and Blake enters the room, rubbing his eyes.

Blake: What the hell is going on?

Mary Jane: Damn if we know. Box just took off running out the door with a mad look in his eye. Although he did make a

pit stop and kick Doog in the nuts for good measure. Probably a good luck thing like rubbing Bhuddah's belly or some

shit.

Blake pulls a bottle of booze from behind him and takes a swig.

MaryJane: Where the hell did you pull that out of? You're not even wearing Pants!

Luna: More importantly, why aren't you sharing.

Off screen scream from Lunchbox outside

Lunchbox: Fuck yeah bitches! Come and get me!

All rush to look out window. Lunchbox is riding on a zombie's back, waving his hand in the air like a cowboy. Camera

cuts back to all looking out window. All have awed look on face, when Blake gets a pissed look and chucks liquor bottle

out window toward Lunchbox. It hits him in the head and he falls back unconcious.

Blake: Serves you right, Jackass!

Zombies start crowding Lunchbox and Blake runs outside in his underwear and drags Lunchbox by his hair back into the

apartment, stops and goes back for the liquor. Blake returns. Blake walks past Lunchbox and kicks him in the side.

Blake: Dick.

Blake walks back into room carrying bottle with him. Luna follows.

Luna: You're going to share that right?

Mary Jane kneels down over the unconcious Lunchbox and tries to wake him up. She shakes him a little and then smacks

him really hard in the face. Lunchbox pops and grabs Mary Jane and pulls her in for a kiss. Mary Jane jumps back.

Mary Jane: Not now. Not ever. Not enough liquor in the world.

Lunchbox: You know you liked it.

Slow steady knocking on wall begins behind Doog. Doog looks confused and grunts.

Mary Jane: Well. We know what their doing.

Lunchbox: We could do it to. I mean I know you're still hung up about Doog but I mean let it go. He's a zombie now. He's

like a puppy and do you really want to hit that? It's like beastiality.

Mary Jane: Shut up.

Lunchbox: Sorry, I know that's not cool.

Mary Jane takes off her shirt.

Mary Jane: You got blood all over my good shirt.

Lunchbox jumps up and starts for the hall.

Lunchbox: I'll be in the bathroom.

Mary Jane: I'll join you...but this IS a pitty lay.

Luncbox: I'll take what I can get.

Doog starts grunting and reaching for Lunchbox.

Luncbox: NOT THAT!

Mary Jane: Just so you know, I like it rough.

Lunchbox: That's cool. Um do you have any pink socks?

Mary Jane: No.

Lunchbox (smiles really big): You want one?

Camera shuts off.

13. Ext. Rooftop. Lunchbox walks out onto rooftop. Blake is standing at the edge of the roof. Camera is above Blake's

waist. Lunchbox stands next to him and lights a cigarette.

Blake: You too?

Lunchbox: Yeah.

Blake: With Mary Jane?

Luchbox: No, with Doog.

Blake: Whatever feels natural.

Lunchbox and Blake laugh.

Lunhbox: We good?

Blake: Yeah. I couldn't find your lego.

Lunchbox: it's cool. Can I ask you a question?

Blake: You just did, dumbass. Ask another.

Lunchbox: Why are you naked?

Camera pans down to show Blake's ass. Blake laughs.

Blake: Just enjoying the breeze.

Lunchbox: Whatever feels natural.

Mary Jane (offscreen): OH GOD! It doesn't get more natural than that.

Mary Jane walks over to them and Lunchbox puts his arm around her. She punches him in the chest.

Blake: Pink sock?

Mary Jane: Yeah.

Camera cuts off.

14. Int. Apartment. Luna is sitting in front of the camera.

Luna: Well, Blake and Lunchbox taught Doog a new trick yesterday and here's where it got them.

Camera pans around to show the floor covered in beer bottles and liquor bottles. Blake is sleeping on the couch.

Lunchbox is laying in the floor, naked, with a lamp shade over his crotch. Doog starts to grunt and scream. Mary Jane

appears out of a pile of bottles. She has on a "Kiss the cook" apron. "Cook" is marked out with a sharpie and "Stoner".

Mary Jane: Doog, SHUT UP!

Lunchbox (groans): Shut up, MJ. My head is killing me.

Mary Jane: My head is killing me too. So I don't want to hear it.

Luna: That's what you get for drinking too much. I know when to call it quits.

Mary Jane: it's easy for you.

Luna: I use your scale. I stop when I can see Lunchbox's boxers. That's when I need to go to bed.

Mary Jane: Well, I stop when I'm wearing them.

Blake: All of you, SHUT UP!

Lunchbox lays back down and Mary Jane disappears into her bottles. Luna tries to walk through the bottles when a spear

shoots out of a pile of bottles and lands in between Doogs legs, just under his crotch. Doog looks down and grunts.

Luna: Box, I told you not to leave that laying around. I almost neutered Doog.

Luna takes another step and a second spear fires into Doogs leg.

Lunchbox: Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, I put it next to the new one.

Luna: Why did you get another one?

Lunchbox: Truce gift for Blake.

Luna: Well I'm not cleaning that up.

Camera shuts off.

Credits roll.

Credits cut to:

15. Int. Apartment. A dog walks in the open door and makes it's way through the beer bottles. Doog reaches out and the

dog sniffs his hand. Doog pets the dog.

Camera cuts off.

Credits continue.

Credits end and cut to:

16. Int. Apartment. Doog is eating a dog leg. Blake looks up from the couch.

Blake: Hey Box. Doog made a friend.

Mary Jane appears from her bottle castle.

Mary Jane: Aww, it's puppy love.

Camera cuts off.